Disclaimer: This is an opinion piece. I understand everyone has had different experiences with parenting.
This is a post trying to raise awareness of the struggles single dads go through. Discrimination against dads as legitimate parents has been going on too long. Coming from someone who was raised by her dad from the age of 12, I know how amazing dad’s are, and they do not get enough credit.
Dads come in all shapes and sizes, big, small, short, tall, fat, skinny, all races, gay, straight, transgender, and we love them all. This post is to raise awareness about the special hardships dad’s go through to help their kids. Often with no thank you or appreciation in sight.
Men are twice as likely to commit suicide than women. This is due to many different factors, however the pressure dads have on them, some of them not even being able to see their kids, surely contributes to this horrifying statistic.
Dads are often at the mercy of the child’s mother. She dictates when he can see them, how long for, what they can do, how she parents and for the dad to stick to her rules. This gives the child a one-sided view and delegitimises the father’s authority, and right to be his own person and parent to the child.
Due to this, mother’s often forcibly create a wedge between the father and child. The child hears the mother’s complaints about the dad, while the dad has to hold his tongue about how he may have been hurt from the mother, because he may have all visitation rights taken away. However mother’s can basically shit-talk a child’s dad with no real consequence to themselves. This hurts the child, and confuses them, because as they get older and understand more, they do not know who to believe.
There are so many problems that are individual to fathers who are no longer in a relationship with the mother. Some of these are:
- How people described as ‘deadbeat dads’ to their kids may have been emotionally abused by their child’s mother, so they had no choice but to leave and leave all relationships behind for their own wellbeing.
- We don’t even know dads. We hear most things about dads from mums or from children. Dads points of views are important to hear, and when we do hear it, we need to listen – this is his situation – it does not matter how your dad acted when you were a child, every dads’ experience is different. One person’s experience does not apply to everyone.
- Men do not talk about their feelings as much as women do, and it’s twice as likely that he will be keeping his hurt and sadness to himself. Many dads are so actively selfless, but many others cannot see through their own pride to acknowledge it.
- The default thought that ‘mother knows best’ is actively hurting children who would be better off with their dad. Mums have just as much likelihood of being distant, abusive, drug or alcohol addicted and so on.
- The fact that many dads do not receive child support, when the mother would in the same situation is appalling. Dads are going broke because they are paying for everything in their child’s life while mother’s have no pressure on them to find a job at all for a lot longer, it is inherently unfair.
- The family courts are sexist towards men. This is because women have an image of being nurturing and caring, and men don’t. To put it bluntly. This is unbelievably untrue. Assessing custody battles on a case by case basis with more research and more actual care put into each case will be ultimately much more beneficial for the child, the father, and even the mother.
- Dads are often guilt tripped into doing more than their share because even though a lot of women are fighting so hard for equality, a lot of others don’t want to admit that it takes two incomes to live comfortably these days and go back to work. So all of dad’s hard earned coin goes on his kids because of course he loves them, but he’s barely getting by on his own. It’s unfair and it’s selfish
- The fact that dads are supposed to sacrifice their entire lives to pay for everything for their kids, and if they dare to have a good time on their own or spend money on something else, it’s seen as almost a crime.
Dads deserve as much recognition as mums. Just because they are not at home 24/7, without their hard work a lot of us would starve. It’s time to see the work that dad’s do as important, and necessary, and an expression of love to their kids.
Whatever situation they’re in, dads, this is your thank you!